Sunday, 24 March 2013

Tag: Eye Candy

Not sure if I am qualified to do this tag, or may be I am extra qualified to do this tag since I had to struggle to figure out my sexual orientation. You see, being gay mean that nothing major happens in my brain when I see naked men (minor stuff like admiring their well toned bodies and wishing I could spend that much time in gym). For the longest time I thought that there is something wrong with me.

I am a late bloomer. Mostly because I didn't know the alternative was even possible. So I did get close to guys. I liked them, I got along with them but I never felt that chemistry, that spark every one talks about. Well, not till I met my girlfriend (yes, we are back together but that's another post). I always thought that I am simply incapable of love.

Thinking back, had I been born in one of the western countries, I might have known my sexual orientation a bit earlier in life. My first ever crush was on my class VII Chemistry teacher, Ms. K, although I did not categorize it as a crush for a long time.

I have always been a good student and very responsive in class except for her class (my friends compare me to Hermione). I used to simply sit and stare at her in the class, not listening to a word she was saying. I spent the recess after her class (thankfully her class was just before recess) copying the notes from my friends.  She was beautiful, not hot but just beautiful. You know the lines from Snow white: Skin as white as snow, lips as red as blood and hairs as black as raven. It fitted her perfectly (okay, lips not as red as blood but still  quite close). She had the most beautiful big eyes ever (okay, I am still not over her. She was my first crush!).

Thankfully I changed school in class VII or I would have definitely failed in Chemistry class. I didn't classify it as a crush for a long time. Ms. K later moved on to the prestigious boys school of our town to teach Chemistry to XI and XII class. Whenever boys around me talked about their crush on Ms. K, I knew what they were talking about. I knew how physically impossible it was to concentrate in her class.

My biggest test came when my best friend in university fell for me. It was a perfect setup in so many ways. I could have married him and have lived happily with my best friend (isn't that's what most of us want?) except that I never felt that spark, that physical attraction towards him. Had I been a sexless robot as that auntyji suggested, I would have done that but that "something is missing" part ruined it completely. After a lot of hurt, pain and, of course, heart break, we do not even talk to each other anymore. He is married and have two kids now.

It took me thirty years and a lot of pain and struggle to reach here but I eventually figured it out (I blame Indian society, culture and, of course, homophobia for my lost years). Nothing major happens in my brain when I see naked men. Its because I am gay. My eye candies belong to a different gender. But I do have them. I mean the eye candies.

2 comments:

PeeVee™ said...

1) I think you are a very brave person.

2) I think its amazing that your parents were okay with your orientation. As for your friend, I don't want to judge but I can't help say she isn't worthy of your friendship.

3) People who think gay people are not 'normal' should be punched in the face. Like they'd like to be judged for preferring chocolate over vanilla.

Keep blogging, you have a loyal reader in me from now :) You're awesome for figuring out who you are and being happy about it. Not many of us get there. God bless.

Tuhina Mahan said...

Thanks PeeVee! Sorry for taking so long to publish and reply to this. Have had few crazy weeks here.

Welcome to the blog. Hope you haven't yetgiven up on me.

Post a Comment